| Chapter Seven: Hitting People Within the Rules |
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The morning of his first real Quidditch match arrived. Dudley was so nervous that after a little toast, two eggs, and a half pound of sausage he couldn't even eat. He joined the other Slytherin players, who sauntered out to the pitch and changed into their robes.
"All right, team," said Dudley, approaching the bench where they were seated. "What's our strategy?"
"Show no mercy!" they declared in unison.
"Whoa there, Dud!" said Flint. "I'm the captain, so I give the pep talk."
"No, you misunderstood," explained Dudley. "I actually forgot."
With their complex strategic plan fresh in his mind, Dudley followed his teammates onto the field. The balls were released, the whistle blew, and the match began.
Dudley hovered close to the ground, because he was still uncomfortable flying. Then, just as Dudley was watching one of the Gryffindor chasers smirking at his ineptitude, a Bludger happened to pass nearby. Without thinking (his normal mode of operation), Dudley soared towards the Bludger and belted it at the chaser. She spun to avoid the main impact, but Dudley definitely marked her.
Dudley's focus changed. He was here to hit people, and it was allowed -- even encouraged. Fear and doubt were crowded out of his mind like a History of Magic lesson. The match continued with Slytherin building a lead, thanks in part to Dudley's increased involvement.
They were up eighty to thirty when Dudley's broom gave a sudden jolt. His scar prickled as he clung desperately to his broom. Another violent swing left him facing the teacher's box. Sure enough, there was McGonagall, looking quite serious and muttering to herself. She must have been hexing him, because she was looking from side to side in order to make sure nobody caught her.
From the corner of his eye, Dudley spotted McGonagall locking her gaze with Professor Quirrell, who sat on her right. With McGonagall distracted, he regained a moment's control. Dudley quickly tracked down a Bludger and swung with all his might. The Bludger shot towards the teacher's box, barely missing McGonagall but impacting violently with the stands.
Dudley sighed with relief. Madam Hooch blew the whistle to check her rulebook, thinking Dudley must have committed a foul. She gave him with a warning and the match resumed.
Dudley increased his ferocity, desperate to end it before McGonagall could attack again. Swinging his bat madly on all sides, by lucky chance, he smashed the Golden Snitch. The Slytherin Seeker was the first to retrieve the broken and now-flightless ball from the ground. They had won!
Later, Dudley told Greg about the incident with McGonagall. Greg was dumbfounded. Dudley realized that he might have a problem in making friends at his own mental level, as this left a serious deficit when intelligence was required. He tried asking Pansy Parkinson.
"McGonagall is awful, Dudley, no question there," agreed Pansy. "But she wouldn't be trying to kill you in the middle of a Quidditch match. Nobody would take that kind of risk, especially a teacher -- not unless she had the Dark Lord himself sticking out the back of her head or something. I mean, get real."
Dudley gritted his teeth.. "Incendio!" he declared, recalling the spell he had most recently learned. Pansy's robe caught fire, but she immediately extinguished it with her own wand.
"Grow up!" she snapped. "It's not my fault you lost control of your broom."
| Chapter Eight: Trick-or-Treat Day |
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Dudley was happy to learn that Hogwarts had the right idea for celebrating Halloween -- they had a feast. Dudley decided to dress up as a wizard. Everybody in the school copied him.
For a change, Dudley decided to cut loose at the feast and eat as much as he could. He still had a ways to go when Professor Quirrell burst into the Great Hall and shouted, "Troll! There's a troll in the dungeon!"
Despite the distance to the dungeon, the teachers made a big fuss. And despite the fuss, the students were eventually told to stay right where they were. Dudley noticed Ron and Neville slipping away after the teachers had left, but he wasn't about to break any rules -- at least not while he was still eating.
"Hey, Dud," asked Greg, with some effort. "Do you reckon McGonagall let that troll in?"
"I don't know," answered Dudley. Reluctantly, he leaned across the table towards Pansy Parkinson. "What do you think, Pansy?"
"Well..." she said thoughtfully, "it certainly couldn't have got in on its own. Trolls are even dumber than -- well, they're pretty dumb."
Half an hour later, the teachers returned and announced that the troll had been found. Professor Snape was escorting Ron, Neville and the buck-toothed girl back into the Great Hall.
"Hey, Ron!" said Dudley as Ron and Neville passed by the Slytherin table. "What happened?"
"We found the troll," said Ron.
"It was in the girl's bathroom," added Neville.
"But we knocked him out!" declared Ron.
"Oh yeah?" interjected Draco Malfoy from a nearby seat. Malfoy's expression was vicious, but his voice was trailing. "How did you... do that?" he asked, the words coming slowly. "I mean, you... you're such a..." then he sighed heavily and sat back down.
"I bet they almost wet their pants!" exclaimed Pansy in her dulcet tones. "So they ran to the nearest bathroom!"
"And it was a girl's bathroom!" added Greg. He laughed out loud along with Pansy and Dudley. Ron rolled his eyes as he and Neville departed.
From that moment on, Pansy Parkinson became their friend. There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and cutting down the accomplishments of other people is one of them.
| Chapter Nine: Presents and Clues |
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Ron seemed a bit sour at Dudley the next few times they saw each other. Dudley had forgiven Ron for his behavior during their flying lesson, and he nearly made a mental note to explain that to Ron -- but it was not meant to be.
Christmas break could not come soon enough. McGonagall, furious at his escape during the Quidditch match, had become worse than ever. She was constantly docking points from Dudley on the weakest excuses, whether it be failing to do his homework, setting things on fire instead of Transfiguring them, or tripping Hufflepuff students in class (he wasn't even punching them!)
Before returning home, Dudley had received a (rather measly) pile of presents from his friends and admirers at Hogwarts. Included was a small, light package that roused his curiosity. With the help of Pansy and Greg (mostly Pansy, but Greg nodded in agreement) he determined that it was an invisibility cloak. There was an unsigned note attached which read:
"This belonged to your uncle, who left it in my possession before he died. Please return it to your cousin Harry."
"Incendio! declared Dudley, with his wand to the note, recalling the spell he had most recently learned. He was now the proud owner of an invisibility cloak.
Dudley's parents were delighted to have Dudley home, of course. Harry stayed at Smeltings, which Dudley thought was nice. Then he realized that Harry might be happier staying than coming home, and Dudley was not so pleased. Then the commercial was over and the program resumed, so Dudley no longer cared.
Christmas break came to an end. Dudley tuned out his parents, kissed the television goodbye, and made his return to Hogwarts.
One night shortly after their return, Pansy approached Dudley and Greg and spoke to them in a low voice. "I asked Snape if he knew why somebody might have let a troll into Hogwarts," she told them. "He gave me this." She presented Dudley with a copy of the Daily Prophet from several months previous.
"Wow!" exclaimed Dudley. "The pictures move!" He had never seen a wizard newspaper before. In fact, he had never really looked at any newspaper.
"Of course," said Pansy airily. "But look at the story on the front. Somebody tried to break into Gringott's."
Dudley read the story as carefully as he could. "It was Snape!" he concluded. "I was there with him. We got away, too," he added proudly.
"When was this?" asked Pansy skeptically.
After a great deal of effort, they established that the break-in was a failed attempt, one which occurred after Snape and Dudley had been to the vault.
"So, so... somebody else is trying to steal the Philosopher's Stone from Hogwarts!" concluded Dudley, achieving a true pinnacle of deductive reasoning.
"The Philosopher's Stone?" said Pansy with surprise. "I think I've heard of that. We should do some research and find out what it is. Maybe we can figure out why McGonagall is trying to steal it."
In regards to research, Dudley had assumed that 'we' meant 'Pansy', while Pansy had concluded that 'we' meant 'Dudley', so nothing actually got done. The only thing they learned came from Draco Malfoy, who overheard them in the Slytherin common room one evening.
"It belongs to Nicholas Flamel," said the lethargic Draco.
"Aha!" said Dudley. "We must have stolen it from Flamel, and now he's trying to get it back."
"So he's in cahoots with McGonagall," added Pansy. "She let the troll in as a distraction."
"But it didn't work," said Greg, very slowly. "Did it?"
Dudley ignored that. "What does the Stone do? Does it help you to flossyfize or something?"
"The Stone produces the Elixir of Life, which makes the drinker immortal," answered Draco. "It can also turn any metal into gold."
"Of course!" declared Pansy. "That's why McGonagall is after it. Look how old she is."
But Dudley was thinking very hard about "gold". It was definitely a lot like money. So, if he had the Stone, all he would need is a bunch of 'other metal'. Where could he get that? "Hey, Draco..." he began, turning to ask another question. But it was too late. Draco had already gone to bed.
The months rolled by and there was plenty more research which did not get done. After all, Dudley was busy with Quidditch, classes, homework and eating. He was busy with Quidditch, classes and eating, at least.
continue with
Dudley and the Philosopher's Stone chapters 10-12
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