T12 Excuses

12  All the cool kids in Slytherin were doing it.

11  Man in black insisted that masks are very comfortable.

10  Hagger and Meem only make Golgomath look sort-of-big. M'Nair make Golgomath look really, really big.

9   Was deeply moved by the fact that the Dark Lord really understands what it means when a werewolf says, "I like children."

8   Had a crush on Tom Riddle.

7   Mysterious, hooded stranger who offered to pay off gambling debts in exchange for insider Ministry information assured me he was only doing a harmless research project.

6   Wanted to impress Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle and figured that a sixteen-year-old wouldn't get any difficult assignments.

5   Too few options for a gigantic poisonous snake who craves affection (and Hagrid would refuse to indulge craving for human flesh).

4   Unfairly typecast owing to author's prejudice against soul-sucking, depression-inducing Dark creatures.

3   Marriage counselor suggested I become involved in Bella's hobbies.

2   Started with a clever plan to act like was I a Death Eater pretending to be a spy for the Order while actually being a spy for the Order and only pretending to be a Death Eater acting like a double-agent Order Eater spy... but then got confused.

1   Free tattoo

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Top Twelve Excuses for Serving Lord Voldemort